When labels help

I was told recently that I must be a bit ‘OCD’ when pointing out an irregularity to a rather large, impressive gateway adjacent to the tennis court where we were playing on. I quickly replied that I was not in fact “OCD but rather “ATD.” Looking puzzled he asked me what “ATD” stood for, having not heard the term before. “Attention To Detail” I replied. “I just like things to be as they are designed to be not misaligned or out of place”.

The kinder or less judgmental observation may have been keen to say that I had a keen eye to observe such detail. My father spent his professional life being an engineering inspector constantly checking the intricate details of other people’s work and I never remember hearing anyone label his keen eye so disparagingly.

It’s interesting to ponder why people label each other. This can be seen starting very early is life, in the school playground pointing out a difference in another child and then belittling that child for it.

Obviously each situation needs to be taken on its own merit but in my experience most labels carry a negative connotation, it’s not often stated to praise the recipient. O.C.D is not the only term that is overused and for the most part mis-used. Colour blindness is another that many don’t really understand. Being someone labelled “Colour Blind” myself I can clear up once and for all that I do see colour, many colours in fact. My world is not seen in black and white even though I know in a few rare cases this is the reality. For most with this condition it would be more correct to call it colour confusion. When certain colours are put next to each other the viewer can become colour confused.

So the question is does it help having a label or merely add stigma and shine a light onto something that the person may carry shame for. In other situations naming something brings clarity and with that can come understanding and hopefully acceptance. Being able to explain that her son suffered from Asperger’s allowed a mother not to feel like a “Bad mother” while chatting with other mothers and observing their children at the school gates.

Maybe it would be helpful to create a new word that meant “A label that is intended to make the recipient feel either: - Bad, less than, an outsider, or a catalogue of other negative feelings and judgments. Or a word that was designed to cultivate support and understanding for the person being described and assistance to others.

Any ideas????

Maybe the disparaging term could be called “Labely”. After all it seems to be ok to have a need but when told one is “needy” it’s a put down, so the “Y” makes all the difference or should we be saying that the “Why” makes all the difference. So the next time you find yourself wanting to label something or someone, stop and ask yourself this simple checklist

1. What is my motivation in saying this?

2. What is my intention in pointing this out?

On the other hand the next time someone labels you, just smile and say…

“Thank you for noticing”